Romeo And Juliet In The Time of Reason and Political Activism
Earlier this month, I was listening to a soundtrack of “Romeo and Juliet” while going through my Facebook feed. It prompted me to think what the encounter of Romeo and Juliet would look like these days. The result is below. Taking over from Act 1, Scene 5 (masquerade), Line 103:
Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
Don’t saints and pilgrims have lips too?
Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
Yes, pilgrim—they have lips that they’re supposed to pray with.
O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.
They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
Well then, saint, let lips do what hands do. I’m praying for you to kiss me. Please grant my prayer so my faith doesn’t turn to despair.
Saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.
Saints don’t move, even when they grant prayers.
Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.
(Leans to kiss her, but stops)
My gentle dove, I crave a word with you.
Pray tell, what doth thou do
to entertain thyself?
Then don’t move while I act out my prayer.
(Leans to kiss her, but stops)
But before we go any further, let’s have a serious conversation.
What are your hobbies?
My fair lord,
I like to dance, to sing and play my harpsichord.
Well uhm,
I enjoy dancing, singing and playing harpsichord.
Thy servant like to dance, to hunt
and to supper with fair assemblies.
For me, it is dancing, hunting and partying with my friends.
Ay, only one of three.
This do little good on us.
Only one out of three,
not so good.
That is the truth… So please you, let me know,
what house is thy troth with?
Yes. But please tell me,
which party do you support?
The house Capulet, since it has mercy and fairness
for people of Verona. I am a Capulet myself. And thee?
The liberals of course, since I am from Clintonet family. And you?
Both me and every of my friend
Support the strong and stable Montague.
Me and my friends are all conservatives, we support the strong and stable Trumpegue.
(aside)
Prodigious curse of love it is to me,
That I must cast an eye on a loathèd enemy.
Thy can’t deny thy father and refuse thy name;
And I can’t cease to be a Capulet.
(aside)
Hell, how can he support these retards.
Strange, he looks so progressive.
Bad luck, I really liked you, you are so cute.
But all my self help books tell that we should not.
Ay, gentle lady. I think a resolution wise
would be to say farewell.
We shan’t be short of better matches.
Farewell: let’s stay good friends.
Yes, I liked you, too. But we know better, don’t we?
Let’s part our ways and stay good friends.
But before that,
let’s take a selfie.
Farewell, my lord.
Yes, a selfie would be fab.
Exeunt. Everybody survives. Curtain.
More Romeos and Juliets In Contemporary Contexts
Ethan Kuperberg, 2014: Romeo and Juliet 15 Years After
In Romeo and Juliet: The Epilogue, Ethan Kuperberg tries to imagine what the encounter of Romeo and Juliet 15 years after their failed double suicide would look like, and places the characters in the modern reality of 2014. In my opinion, the result is highly plausible. Please read the full Epilogue on New Yorker website. An excerpt, to tempt you into clicking the link, is below.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Thy gown is nice. Of nice material, I mean.
’Tis a garment that suits thy body well.
(Aside) But what garment doth not suit its wearer?
O mine poor tongue, once sword, anon a flopping fish.
Your dress is nice. I mean, the fabric is nice.
This garment suits your body shape well.
(Aside) But what garment does not suit its wearer?
Oh my poor tongue, once sword, now a flopping fish.
I thanketh thee. Your boots are pleasing in their color,
A strong brown, like bark or dirt. Ha! Dirt.
(Aside) Dirt? O, mine foul and most unnatural nerves
Have been usurpt’d by feelings most untoward.
Cheers. I like the colour of your shoes,
A strong brown, like bark or dirt. Ha! Dirt.
(Aside) Dirt? Oh my mind
Have been overtaken by the most unexpected and inappropriate emotions.
Ay, we wast younger then. Ideals still strong,
Our love boat caught in hormones’ tempest.
Anon I must put lust away to dock.
My thirtieth year approacheth, without mercy.
Yes, we were younger back then. That was an ideals
And hormones fueled relationship.
I should be reasonable now.
My thirtieth birthday is looming.
Ay, thirty. Jesus Christ.
Yes, thirty. Holy mackarel.
1980’s Romeo and Juliet According To Dire Straits
30-40 years ago Romeo and Juliet’s story would have unfolded differently. Perhaps it would have been as in the music video for Dire Straits‘ composition Romeo and Juliet from their album Making Movies (1980) :
Juliet the dice were loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget I forget the movie song
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?Come up on different streets they booth were streets of shame
Both dirty both mean yes and the dream was just the same
And I dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real
How can you look at me as if I was just another one of your deals?
Romeo and Juliet lyrics © EMI Music Publishing
Additional Information
- The cover picture is a recent New Yorker cartoon.
- A new dating application, Hater, allows you to find and date people who hate the same things as you.
- The music that, together with my Facebook feed, has inspired this post, is Abel Korzeniowski‘s soundtrack to Romeo and Juliet (2013):
- Love in the Time of Cholera written by Gabriel García Márquez could be seen as an antithesis to “Romeo and Juliet”. Please enjoy the theme song used in Love in the Time of Cholera (2007):
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